


the inevitability of time

by shymaa



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23762449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shymaa/pseuds/shymaa
Summary: a person lives three lives. the first ends with loss of naivety, the second with loss of innocence, and the third with the loss of life itself.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	the inevitability of time

*

Jonas sat at the disk in his father's studio. It was a rare sunny day out. He willed it to be one of many sunny days to come.

he looked at the envelope in his hands, licked the edge and sealed it shut. The envelope ready, he put it down carefully next to the photo his mother framed for his father. He avoided looking at the faces in it. he knows what will happen to them but he is gonna fix the future.

he stood, dragged the chair beneath the beam, stood up on it. he looked up at the knot hanging on the beam. it was the right thing to do. 

he put his head through the loop. it was for the best.

He kicked the chair.

Jonas jerked up awake, the memory of the rope around his neck so vivid, he couldn't breathe. the air wheezed in and out of his lungs painfully.

he couldn't remember the last time he woke up without nightmares.

it was the day before his father died, he realized. 

He adjusted to sit at the edge of the bed. He knew from experience that the longer he stayed down, the harder it was to get up but just couldn't manage to actually get out of bed today. the huge ticking clock that hung over his head forever was suddenly gone. 

The cycle started anew. 

he would become his older self and his older self would become Adam. a man that man his skin crawl. the man aiming to bring the apocalypse.

he tried to decide if it was a bad thing or a good thing that he couldn't master the will to move, he longed to go up to his father's studio and just end it. if he could move, he would do it.

Maybe if he killed himself now, he wouldn't stop his younger self from bringing Mikkel back to the future.

Claudia said the world without him isn't what he would expect but…. he failed…. or maybe he did exactly what he was set up to do….

He remembered yelling at the stranger to let him out. the stranger said he couldn't let him out because then he wouldn't be the man he is today. the realization that one day he will have to make the same choice, robbed him of his remaining breath.

maybe one day he won't leave the young frightened boy to be sent into hell? maybe next time he wouldn't leave himself locked up.  closing down the passages didn't work anyway . but he had to.  when will he learn.

Martha. Martha choking on her own blood. her blood trailing over her cheeks, pooling on the floor. He promised Martha he would make it right. He failed her in every way. 

his father hanging in his studio….. 

He feared the inevitability of time. He feared he would change his mind. He feared he wouldn't.

but he will never stop trying to change things. He will save them all. He has to.

  
  
  


**

Jonas opened the door to the bunker, he walked down the stairs and saw Claudia standing, staring at the images on the wall. the burden of long life marked her. her white long hair in a disarray around her shoulder, her clothes had seen far better days and although she looked around 75, she stood with her back armor straight. She looked like a general in hopeless war. 

"I lied to you," Claudia said.

"I realized," Jonas replied. He moved to stand beside her. the photos from another life. a life lived under the yellow sun in a yellow jacket. 

He still had trouble recognizing himself after he lived in a world with no mirrors for 33 years. The bearded face in the image still felt like a stranger to him.

"when I knew I wouldn't be able to break the loop in the future, only close the passage for a while, I thought I'd do things differently. I thought… The next cycle will be different because I knew it won't work but you found me. you knew exactly what to say.  _ change the little things, one variable of the equation and we would end this. _ I thought I wouldn't repeat it but I did. and I will again" 

Jonas stared at his picture in yellow. the loss of innocence, Adam said. the loss tore a hole in him. for 33 years, all he thought about was saving them.

"I'm sorry, Jonas."

"for the chance that my father could live. your father could live.  _ we change a grain of sand and with it, the whole world." _

a flicker of empathy glimmered in Cluadis's eyes. Jonas, the sweet boy, became a good man. He never carried weapons even though his enemies always did and he never believed in "end justifies the means" crap. she recalled with perfect clarity a man who made himself look small because he feared scaring the people he dearly wanted to save.

that man was no more.

resentment burned ice cold in Jonas' eyes, his shoulders napped back and he met her eyes with cold dead eyes of his own.

"what if I choose to leave now? I can't defeat Adam but I can control what I become."

"the world needs us to become these things. you understand now why we must lie." Claudia said.

Jonas hated her. hated that he wasted 33 years thinking he could change anything. Claudia gazed back at him with understanding. they had to make sacrifices. 

everything has to happen as it always has.

"you may call me Adam"

"Adam," she said "come. we have much to do"

  
  


***

Claudia stood in the bunker, wearing a green suit that had seen better days. her usually meticulously arranged hair and makeup nowhere to be seen.

she stared at the papers in her hands.

"It can't be," she whispered.

the door grated open, she saw a shadow on the floor from behind her. Claudia spun around, staring sightlessly at the newcomer. she didn't not know him.

"who are you?"

Claudia focused on the person who came in. a man who looked like a burn victim. reddish puckered skin covered every visible inch of him and scar circled the front of his throat. 

"Jonas?" Claudia whispered incredulously.

"I came because it was time we met. you finally understand" 

"we can't break the loop?" Claudia asked skeptically "it can only be contained and that's why nobody ever leaves Winden. we sacrificed our town to save the rest of the world as long as we can."

"yes. you came to me, you convinced me.  _ we can't change big events but one small grain _ …"

claudia flinched. that phrase, that what jonas said. what she told him. Jonas offered her small smile with no joy. it was difficult to see the smile amid all the scar tissue that was his face.

her heart squeezed painfully in her chest.

"You said,  _ we change one small grain and with it, the world _ ." he said "but it's more than that. the loop cannot be broken, only destroyed. we have to destroy this world to allow new, ordered world to exist"

Claudia realized the heartbreaking moan was coming from her throat. she understood now why it had to be done this way. the scientist in her supplied the answer. humans will never think of survival as species. people will fight to save their loved ones, their kids. 

Claudia lifted her face and started at him. His eyes held understanding and deep sense of sorrow as old as time.

"you may call me Adam."

it took a second for Claudia to understand the consequences of his statement. Jonas was Adam. it was all lies. Adam wasn't trying to destroy this world and Jonas and herself weren't trying to save it. they were all striking a delicate balance, trying to maintain the system. they played good and bad alternatively because it was the only way to manage everyone. if you act the government, there will always be a rebellion but if you act both…. 

it's quite brilliant really. 

"we can't change anything." Claudia whispered, horrified. she slowly became aware she was crying.

Adam knew how she felt. it took ages for him to come to terms with the horror of what he will have to do. 

"the inevitability of time. we are all locked in an endless loop with no beginning and no end and the only way through only leads us deeper."

"but there has to be some way. she said.."

"she lied." Adam interrupted.

"it can't be" trembling with shock, she stumbled backwards till she hit the wall. "why?" she choked out.

"because if we tell them the truth, they won't do what they must. they had to give people hope. me and you. we had to give ourselves hope. we have no estimate for the number of cycles we have lived through."

Claudia sled down, hugging her knees to her chest. it took a long time for her to accept the truth. 

at last, lifted her eyes.

"come, we have much to do." Adam said.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I kept thinking how they were doomed to make the same mistakes. it's what I imagine happened in the previous cycles.  
> people change but not THAT much. I have to believe Adam/Jonas is still a good person. I had to fix it


End file.
